I almost didn’t make it.
This past weekend, I had two exciting events lined up. The first was an intimate Galentine’s dinner for creators in Lagos. a beautiful evening filled with good food, great conversations, and the kind of connection that feels effortless.
Dr Teals Soak it in event
The second? An invite from one of my favorite body care brands, Dr Teal’s. If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw glimpses of my story updates, snippets from the event, what I wore but what you didn’t see was the internal battle leading up to these events.
Because as much as I wanted to go, social anxiety had other plans.
The invites were there. The outfits were picked. But my mind? Oh, it was loud.
Louder than the excitement of finally connecting with my favourite body care brand. Louder than the thought of good food and laughter. Louder than the part of me that wanted to go.
Instead, it whispered doubt.
“What if it’s awkward?”
“What if you don’t know what to say?”
“Maybe just cancel and say you’re ‘feeling under the weather.’”
Sound familiar? Because my mind was LOUD with these thoughts.
And for a moment, I almost listened. Because staying home is easy. It’s safe. It’s predictable. But deep down, I knew that if I let the fear win, I’d regret it after two hours.
For anyone who struggles with social anxiety, you know exactly what this feels like. The mental tug-of-war between wanting to go and wanting to retreat is exhausting. It’s like your mind is staging an intervention, trying to protect you from discomfort even if that discomfort is just imagined.
So, I reminded myself: I am not my anxious thoughts. They are just noise. They are not facts. They do not define me.
I refused to let the overthinking, the doubt, and the urge to stay in my comfort zone win. So, I took a deep breath, silenced the mental noise, and showed up.
And you know what? It was worth every minute and every Uber fare.
I laughed. I connected. I ate well. I even left with a cute little gift bag (which always makes an event better). But most importantly, I proved to myself again that I am more than my fears.
But Why Is It So Hard to Just Show Up?
If you’ve ever struggled with showing up, you’re not alone. Social anxiety is one of the most common mental health challenges, affecting millions of people worldwide. It has a way of making even the simplest plans feel overwhelming.
Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy, it’s a persistent fear of social situations where you might be judged, embarrassed, or scrutinized. It often starts in childhood or adolescence, and if left unchecked, it can shape the way we interact with the world [NHS]
Social anxiety isn’t just about avoiding people. It’s the overthinking, the mental exhaustion of preparing for every possible scenario, and the fear of not being “good enough.”
The brain is wired to protect us from perceived threats, and for those with social anxiety, interactions can feel like a threat. Our nervous system goes into overdrive, making our hearts race, our palms sweat, and our minds spin with worst-case scenarios. Avoidance feels like the safer option, but in the long run, it only makes anxiety stronger [Mental Health UK]
How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Show Up Anyway
I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this: growth happens when we lean into discomfort.
The good news? Social anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. Here are some ways to push through the fear and start showing up with more confidence:
1. Take Small Steps
Therapists often recommend gradual exposure, meaning you take small steps to face social fears instead of avoiding them altogether. Maybe it’s saying yes to a short coffee date instead of a big party. Maybe it’s speaking up once in a group conversation instead of feeling pressure to be the life of the party. Small wins build confidence over time. [Simply Psychology]
2. Reframe Your Thoughts
Instead of thinking, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” try shifting to, “Even if it’s awkward, I’ll be okay.” Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the best tools for retraining the brain and breaking negative thought patterns that fuels anxiety [Positive Psychology]
3. Practice Self-Compassion
which might just be the most important piece of all. Be gentle with yourself. Social anxiety isn’t something you can just “snap out of.” Growth takes time, and every small step forward is a victory. Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling anxious, try reminding yourself: I am doing my best, and that is enough.
4. Use Relaxation Techniques
Deep breathing, mindfulness, and meditation can help calm the nervous system and make social situations feel less overwhelming. Even taking a few deep breaths before walking into a room can make a big difference. [Healthline]
The more we listen to that voice, the stronger it gets. Avoidance feeds anxiety, and suddenly, we find ourselves stuck in a loop of “what ifs.”
We often think of self-care as staying in, resting, and protecting our energy. And sometimes, that’s exactly what we need.
But other times? Self-care is showing up. It’s proving to yourself that your fears don’t get to make the rules. It’s reminding yourself that you deserve connection, laughter, and joy just as much as anyone else.
Because the alternative? Missing out on memories you could have made.
I know it’s not always easy. But I also know this: The memories we make when we push through the fear are always better than the regret of staying stuck.
Adejumoke Adefila
So, tell me, when you get invited somewhere but your mind starts spiraling, what do you usually do?
– Push through and show up
– Cancel last minute (too overwhelming)
– Make plans, then ghost
– It depends on my mood
Drop something in the comments, I listen and I don’t judge😄
JD